Ashes and memories

Case,

Smoking cigarettes is a nasty habit that you better not pick up, while drinking coffee is right up there with breathing as an activity fundamental to the proper functioning of an adult brain. Here's a song that's not really about either one of those things:

Cigarettes and coffee, talking as the sun goes down
Ten minutes of the moments that make up solid ground
Not a story for granchildren but a simple narrative
on why we live for love and why we love to live

A cigarette at sundown shared in the fading light
Coffee sips the cadence of another Tuesday night
It's a feeling not euphoric, it's just one of those things
that makes you feel thankful and causes one to dream

Cigarettes and coffee, a welcome interlude
a couple well-heeled vices to help reset the mood
Breaking up the bigger ... pictures of the day
With a little smoke and caffeine, the world falls away

A cigarette at midnight underneath the nameless stars
The moon illuminates this little thing of ours
The crickets in their rhythm tell an age-old story
Out here in the country, we're lost in our own glory

Cigarettes and coffee, ashes and memories
Funny what we remember and to varying degrees
Caught up in the grand scheme, no surprise we miss the roses 
But drink the moment in and see what it exposes

A cigarette to unwind, candle burns down to its end
A subtle dose of silence to reflect and comprehend
Of ev'rything you take in 'long a journey filled with miles,
the meaning in the small steps makes you take a drag and smile

Love,
Dad

P.S. Seriously, smoking is terrible and disgusting. It's the kind of thing Packers fans and socialists do. 

Bittersweet 16

Case,

16.

That's the number of steps you scaled on the beginning of our walk this morning.

You've made your way up those steps before, but not like this. Today, there was no wasted motion. No hesitation. For the first time, you made your way without using the rail or your father for support. Not once did you stop, look back and reach out your hand.

I was proud, and I was sad. Proud because it was a moment that reminded me you're growing up so fast, becoming an independent little man and gaining confidence every step of the way. Sad because it was a moment that reminded me you're growing up so fast, becoming an independent little man and gaining confidence every step of the way.

It was just a few weeks ago that we went for a walk and on the first set of steps down to the backyard, you reached out to me. It reminded me how important it is that I be there for you, which, as I've mentioned before, I consider to be my fundamental duty as a father. To be there. To guide. To support. To offer a helping hand — in its myriad forms — whenever you reach, whether I'm right beside you on the steps or half a world but just a call (or text or personal message or Skype; you get the idea) away.

That last part is what hit me today. As you navigated any number of steps, ambled across across wide-open spaces of concrete and grass, wobbled down the occasional hill and eventually ended up on the playground with your "choo-choos," I was reminded of another duty — the duty to let you grow up.

When another human, especially one that is still pure of heart and knows only that the world is a wondrous but scary place puts his trust in you, it's a powerful feeling. In my experience, the greatest of my life. So while I smiled throughout our journey today, it was a little bittersweet to watch you and know that one day, the proverbial steps you climb will take you to heights I tend not to think about in the general course of a hectic day.

Today, I no longer had to offer a literal helping hand as you walked up 16 steps. Soon, the number of figurative helping hands I can offer you will start to decrease. One day, you won't need me to follow so closely. Then you won't need me to follow at all. Eventually, you will be more independent and confident than I could have imagined as I held all 6 pounds of you to my chest a little more than two years ago in the delivery room.

With each new step, there will be more pride and less sadness. There will be no limit to the former, and the latter will never completely go away. I will do my best to let you grow up, to give you the freedom to reach new heights without looking back. But if or when you need it, I will always be within reach.

Love,
Dad