Case,
We've already talked about the importance of keeping gas in your car, lest you run out and look foolish. But I recently learned the hard way that there are other hazards related to ensuring your tank does not run dry.
On Friday, I managed to get locked out of my car while at the gas station. How did I accomplish this? Well, I didn't. Your big brother Edgar was responsible. That's right, your dad got locked out of his car by a pug.
I thought it was hilarious while gassing up that E went nuts trying to bust through the driver's side window to get to the electrician working in the Exxon parking lot. A minute later, when I found the door would not open upon pulling the handle back, well, that was less funny.
I'll spare you the details of my 90 minutes waiting for a locksmith (15-minute response guaranteed, my ass!) in 30-degree weather, except to express the sad irony that I spent a good half-hour trying to get the door open with a slim jim. No, not the tool that police officers and firemen use to open locked vehicle doors, an actual Slim Jim.
I did not attempt to use the processed meat stick to unlock the door. Instead, I tried in vain to use it as a means of getting E excited enough that he would again inadvertently step on the door-lock button and I could get back into the car and regain feeling in my fingers. Unfortunately, pugs and their noses are ill-equipped to track the scent of food through a pane of sealed glass. He just sat there, staring at me, his eyes saying, "Hey, I'm just a dog, what do you want from me?"
So, in closing, I guess what I'm saying is that if you ever decide to take a dog for a ride to the gas station, make sure it's wearing its seat belt.
Love,
Dad
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Sleep/Walk
Case,
You wake up at 2:30 and there's much work to be done
The pacifier's hidden and the sandman's on the run
You stumble to the kitchen, you fumble for the light
Your pupils dialated on another weary night
You slowly gain your focus as the room comes into view
This is your great challenge; now what's a man to do
The past is far behind me, while the future's all too near
And the moment can escape me in a thousand thoughts and fears
Days go by in double-time, so fast it's such a shame
But I'll face what's in front of me; my dad he did the same
I'll slowly gain my focus as the world comes into view
This is my great challenge, and this is what I'll do
I'll sleep in a decade
I'll sleep when I'm dead
I'll sleep like a baby
when I have a clear head
I'll walk with a purpose
I'll walk through the haze
I'll walk, shoulders heavy,
right on out of this maze
You wake up at 6:30, still 10 minutes from the sun
Your selfishness forbidden by the greatest thing you've done
You loudly pick yourself up, yet proudly hold your head
A baby and an ego they both need their daily bread
You slowly gain your focus as the room comes into view
This is your great challenge; a man knows what to do
I'll sleep in a decade
I'll sleep when I'm dead
I'll sleep like a baby
when I have a clear head
I'll walk with a purpose
I'll walk through the haze
I'll walk, shoulders heavy,
right on out of this maze
You wake up at 10:30, there was silence now there's none
A little bit guilt-ridden, counting noises one by one
You're rolling with the changes, no controlling this ride
No use for fond reflection on the time you used to bide
You slowly gain your focus as the room comes into view
This is your great challenge; now what's a man to do
There's lessons I have taken and advice I've just ignored
Made promises I've broken, but I've fallen on the sword
I'd like to be the hero all seven days a week
But I'll settle for the father who knows of what he speaks
I'll slowly gain my focus as the world comes into view
This is my great challenge, and this is what I'll do
I'll sleep in a decade
I'll sleep when I'm dead
I'll sleep like a baby
when I have a clear head
I'll walk with a purpose
I'll walk through the haze
I'll walk, shoulders heavy,
right on out of this maze
Love,
Dad
You wake up at 2:30 and there's much work to be done
The pacifier's hidden and the sandman's on the run
You stumble to the kitchen, you fumble for the light
Your pupils dialated on another weary night
You slowly gain your focus as the room comes into view
This is your great challenge; now what's a man to do
The past is far behind me, while the future's all too near
And the moment can escape me in a thousand thoughts and fears
Days go by in double-time, so fast it's such a shame
But I'll face what's in front of me; my dad he did the same
I'll slowly gain my focus as the world comes into view
This is my great challenge, and this is what I'll do
I'll sleep in a decade
I'll sleep when I'm dead
I'll sleep like a baby
when I have a clear head
I'll walk with a purpose
I'll walk through the haze
I'll walk, shoulders heavy,
right on out of this maze
You wake up at 6:30, still 10 minutes from the sun
Your selfishness forbidden by the greatest thing you've done
You loudly pick yourself up, yet proudly hold your head
A baby and an ego they both need their daily bread
You slowly gain your focus as the room comes into view
This is your great challenge; a man knows what to do
I'll sleep in a decade
I'll sleep when I'm dead
I'll sleep like a baby
when I have a clear head
I'll walk with a purpose
I'll walk through the haze
I'll walk, shoulders heavy,
right on out of this maze
You wake up at 10:30, there was silence now there's none
A little bit guilt-ridden, counting noises one by one
You're rolling with the changes, no controlling this ride
No use for fond reflection on the time you used to bide
You slowly gain your focus as the room comes into view
This is your great challenge; now what's a man to do
There's lessons I have taken and advice I've just ignored
Made promises I've broken, but I've fallen on the sword
I'd like to be the hero all seven days a week
But I'll settle for the father who knows of what he speaks
I'll slowly gain my focus as the world comes into view
This is my great challenge, and this is what I'll do
I'll sleep in a decade
I'll sleep when I'm dead
I'll sleep like a baby
when I have a clear head
I'll walk with a purpose
I'll walk through the haze
I'll walk, shoulders heavy,
right on out of this maze
Love,
Dad
Monday, January 16, 2012
Nothing but the tooth
Case,
You've sprouted the first remants of a tooth, which makes you eligible to run for public office in West Virginia, among other things.
Teeth are a beautiful thing, not only aesthetically (insert Jewel and/or Kirsten Dunst reference here), but functionally. Having a full set drastically improves one's diet. The world would be quite a miserable place if everyone was forced to eat nothing but strained fruits and vegetables. In fact, the world would be quite a miserable place if everyone was forced to eat nothing but real fruits and vegetables. And that's the beauty of teeth -- they allow you to eat all those tasty animals. Not many things are better than sinking your teeth (or tooth, if you live in West Virginia) into a nice, juicy steak (Side note: NEVER put ketchup on a steak; you're a reasonable, thinking being, not a Packers fan).
A few important notes about teeth:
1) When you start losing your baby ones, it's perfectly normal to expect money (although you should probably be amenable to accepting post-dated checks), but it is not acceptable to use pliers in an attempt to supplement your allowance. What's an allowance? Nevermind, forget I said anything.
2) In these overly PC times, the Tooth Fairy prefers to be called the the Alternative Lifestyle Enamel Procurer. I know, I know. Just take the money and be happy.
3) During the period of baby-teeth loss, you're going to hear lots of advice on efficiently removing a tooth once it starts to loosen. A consistent, yet gentle twisting and pulling usually does the trick in a matter of days, if not hours. But sometimes, a tooth is stubborn. In such a case, this is when you must be wary of the aforementioned advice. Do not listen to anyone who tells you to tie one end of a piece of string to your tooth and the other end to the following: a door knob, the collar of a rambunctious dog, a lamborghini. Also, don't accept any offers of apples. Biting into one with a loose tooth will not help the situation; it will just leave you crying with a bloody apple in hand.
4) Teeth are important, but not as important as staying in front of the ball! Keep your glove down and head up, and if you lose a tooth, tell everyone about it everywhere you go until it grows back. It's a badge of honor!
5) If you ever get braces, again, stay away from the pliers. Also, unless you have to, avoid playing basketball during P.E. on Fridays. Nothing ruins a teenager's weekend faster than a fat lip brought on when a basketball meets your face. Puberty is difficult enough without the Ghost of James Naismith playing a cruel joke on you.
6) Finally, even if a tooth hurts from an unfortunate bite of an apple, or a few of them are hidden by a fat lip, or you're missing one thanks to a bad hop, never hesitate to use those teeth for their most important purpose -- to make the best smile in the world that much better.
Love,
Dad
You've sprouted the first remants of a tooth, which makes you eligible to run for public office in West Virginia, among other things.
Teeth are a beautiful thing, not only aesthetically (insert Jewel and/or Kirsten Dunst reference here), but functionally. Having a full set drastically improves one's diet. The world would be quite a miserable place if everyone was forced to eat nothing but strained fruits and vegetables. In fact, the world would be quite a miserable place if everyone was forced to eat nothing but real fruits and vegetables. And that's the beauty of teeth -- they allow you to eat all those tasty animals. Not many things are better than sinking your teeth (or tooth, if you live in West Virginia) into a nice, juicy steak (Side note: NEVER put ketchup on a steak; you're a reasonable, thinking being, not a Packers fan).
A few important notes about teeth:
1) When you start losing your baby ones, it's perfectly normal to expect money (although you should probably be amenable to accepting post-dated checks), but it is not acceptable to use pliers in an attempt to supplement your allowance. What's an allowance? Nevermind, forget I said anything.
2) In these overly PC times, the Tooth Fairy prefers to be called the the Alternative Lifestyle Enamel Procurer. I know, I know. Just take the money and be happy.
3) During the period of baby-teeth loss, you're going to hear lots of advice on efficiently removing a tooth once it starts to loosen. A consistent, yet gentle twisting and pulling usually does the trick in a matter of days, if not hours. But sometimes, a tooth is stubborn. In such a case, this is when you must be wary of the aforementioned advice. Do not listen to anyone who tells you to tie one end of a piece of string to your tooth and the other end to the following: a door knob, the collar of a rambunctious dog, a lamborghini. Also, don't accept any offers of apples. Biting into one with a loose tooth will not help the situation; it will just leave you crying with a bloody apple in hand.
4) Teeth are important, but not as important as staying in front of the ball! Keep your glove down and head up, and if you lose a tooth, tell everyone about it everywhere you go until it grows back. It's a badge of honor!
5) If you ever get braces, again, stay away from the pliers. Also, unless you have to, avoid playing basketball during P.E. on Fridays. Nothing ruins a teenager's weekend faster than a fat lip brought on when a basketball meets your face. Puberty is difficult enough without the Ghost of James Naismith playing a cruel joke on you.
6) Finally, even if a tooth hurts from an unfortunate bite of an apple, or a few of them are hidden by a fat lip, or you're missing one thanks to a bad hop, never hesitate to use those teeth for their most important purpose -- to make the best smile in the world that much better.
Love,
Dad
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Exercise in futility
Case,
It takes much more energy to run from responsibility than it does to keep pace with life.
Love,
Dad
It takes much more energy to run from responsibility than it does to keep pace with life.
Love,
Dad
Sunday, January 1, 2012
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