Nothing but the tooth

 Case,

You've sprouted the first remants of a tooth, which makes you eligible to run for public office in West Virginia, among other things.

Teeth are a beautiful thing, not only aesthetically (insert Jewel and/or Kirsten Dunst reference here), but functionally. Having a full set drastically improves one's diet. The world would be quite a miserable place if everyone was forced to eat nothing but strained fruits and vegetables. In fact, the world would be quite a miserable place if everyone was forced to eat nothing but real fruits and vegetables. And that's the beauty of teeth -- they allow you to eat all those tasty animals. Not many things are better than sinking your teeth (or tooth, if you live in West Virginia) into a nice, juicy steak (Side note: NEVER put ketchup on a steak; you're a reasonable, thinking being, not a Packers fan).

A few important notes about teeth:

1) When you start losing your baby ones, it's perfectly normal to expect money (although you should probably be amenable to accepting post-dated checks), but it is not acceptable to use pliers in an attempt to supplement your allowance. What's an allowance? Nevermind, forget I said anything.

2) In these overly PC times, the Tooth Fairy prefers to be called the the Alternative Lifestyle Enamel Procurer. I know, I know. Just take the money and be happy.

3) During the period of baby-teeth loss, you're going to hear lots of advice on efficiently removing a tooth once it starts to loosen. A consistent, yet gentle twisting and pulling usually does the trick in a matter of days, if not hours. But sometimes, a tooth is stubborn. In such a case, this is when you must be wary of the aforementioned advice. Do not listen to anyone who tells you to tie one end of a piece of string to your tooth and the other end to the following: a door knob, the collar of a rambunctious dog, a lamborghini. Also, don't accept any offers of apples. Biting into one with a loose tooth will not help the situation; it will just leave you crying with a bloody apple in hand.

4) Teeth are important, but not as important as staying in front of the ball! Keep your glove down and head up, and if you lose a tooth, tell everyone about it everywhere you go until it grows back. It's a badge of honor!

5) If you ever get braces, again, stay away from the pliers. Also, unless you have to, avoid playing basketball during P.E. on Fridays. Nothing ruins a teenager's weekend faster than a fat lip brought on when a basketball meets your face. Puberty is difficult enough without the Ghost of James Naismith playing a cruel joke on you.

6) Finally, even if a tooth hurts from an unfortunate bite of an apple, or a few of them are hidden by a fat lip, or you're missing one thanks to a bad hop, never hesitate to use those teeth for their most important purpose -- to make the best smile in the world that much better.

Love,
Dad