Milk

Case,

Judging by your pound-a-day cheese habit, you're not lactose intolerant, which means you can spend your lifetime enjoying the greatest beverage of them all — milk.

Now, just as with any kind of drinking, there are rules when it comes to milk:

1) ALL milk is good. Skim. 1 percent. 2 precent. Whole. (Note: Buttermilk is not milk; I don't know what it is, but it was invented by the Obama administration to soften Americans up, so avoid it.)

2) The colder the milk, the better.

3) Milk is at its best when consumed from the container in which it was bought. This is a fact that will horrify most women in your life, but don't listen to them; they don't understand. It's science. Milk was intended to be chugged in the middle of the kitchen with the refrigerator door wide open. Wearing sweatpants is optional, but encouraged, for this activity. Aside from the taste, the primary benefit to drinking milk this way is that it prevents others from drinking it. Remember, it's YOUR milk. Drink it the way God intended.

Love,
Dad